- What you say can and will be used against you.
I don't mean this in a court of law kind of way. I mean everything you say has the potential to wind up in a book. Authors write from life. If we get into a argument with you - it's likely that you'll find that very conversation reappearing in one of our books later. This also goes for anything stupid you say to us. If you make a comment that we deem eye-roll worthy, you'll find it will also show up.
- We disappear.
I don't mean literally. We're not superheroes (well, maybe in our book). But, even mid-conversation, you'll find us disappearing inside of our heads. Sometimes a plot line will just untangle itself, or a comment or event in our everyday life will give us inspiration for the next book. We tend to get lost in thought, potentially living a conversation between characters in our head - ignoring the characters of our real life. Don't get mad, it's not on purpose (at least, not all the time)... it's just how books get written.
- If you piss us off - we will kill you.
Again, I don't mean literally, although I can't speak for the entire population of authors collectively. While sometimes we may not be the sanest person in the room - authors have the healthiest way of being able to deal with stress or anger.... we will just write the offending person into our story and kill them off. If you haven't tried this yet, believe me... it works better than hitting a punching bag for an hour.
- There will be books everywhere.
This one is no joke. If there is a surface, there will be a book on it. Reading is the way authors hone their skills. It helps to read other points of view, other plot twists, other voices. Not to mention, books are a great way to research our own stories. Plus, authors generally tend to prefer real books to eBooks and you'll find proof of that on every open space in the house.
- We keep odd hours.
There is no 9-5 for authors. We write when the stories hit us. This may be at 9 am in the morning, while we're drinking coffee and starting our day... or it may be at midnight, or even during that dinner you spent hours preparing. We are subject to our characters, to our creativity. When it hits us, we have to write it down. Have you ever tried to remember a dream several hours after it happens? It's the same concept.
- We will always hate the movie.
This one is really important. We will always hate the movie version. No matter how good the movie is, the book was always better. Fair warning if you're planning date night - make sure we haven't read the book first - which, chances are, we have.
- Our writing time is sacred.
If we retreat into a room to write, under no circumstance should you enter! Dating a writer is not for the faint of heart, or needy partner. We like our space, we need our space. Writing a book does not happen overnight - it takes hundreds of hours of pouring our heart out onto paper, frantically editing, rethinking, rewriting, scrapping, and starting over. We can get very stressed, frustrated, and annoyed when interrupted during a writing sprint.
- We can be forgetful.
We may not remember dates, names, or places well. We can be spacey, disorganized at times. Give us a break. Do you have any idea how hard it is to think for several different people all at one time?
- We will correct you.
Grammar, sentence structure, vocabulary. We will tell if you're wrong. We can't help it. Not only that, but we'll explain the lesson in detail. Oh, and if a topic we've researched for a book comes up, believe me, we will rant. This could be anything from how candles are made to what causes blood to coagulate faster. We're varied.
- Nothing is off limits.
To a writer, everything is inspiration. Everything we see, everything we observe. This includes our acquaintances' flaws, fears, and imperfections. Every little thing in our lives is a potential story - and you may not like it. This means everything from sexual shortcomings to your relationship with your parents could wind up in our pages. Of course, the same is true for the good things in life. No one will ever praise you the way a writer will. That first date that you may have thought you fumbled through? Well, it may be recreated in a story in a way you never imaged. Writers see the beauty in every day life, not just the flaws.